Why people face difficulties in attracting mates: An investigation of 17 probable predictors of involuntary singlehood

Anthropological, historical and phylogenetic evidence indicates that, for most of human evolutionary time, parents exercised considerable control over their children’s mating decisions, which is primarily reflected in the institution of arranged marriage (Broude & Green, 1983; Coontz, 2006; Walker et al., 2011). Furthermore, various lines of evidence indicate that, by using force, dominant men monopolized access to women (Puts, 2016). Yet, individuals could also exercise mate choice by manipulating their parents, in later marriages, in extra-pair relationships, and in the institution of divorce (Apostolou, 2017). The presence of mate preferences in contemporary populations (Kenrick et al., 1993) constitutes additional evidence that ancestral humans had space to exercise mate choice.

Overall, in ancestral human societies people had less space to exercise mate choice than they have today in Western societies where mating is not arranged or forced.

This creates a mismatch problem (Crawford, 1998), because the adaptations involved in mating may not be able to deal effectively with the demands of free mate choice, leading to poor mating performance and higher incidence of involuntary singlehood (Apostolou & Wang, 2019). The interested reader can consult Goetz et al. (2019), who have nominated nine mismatched characteristics within the domain of mating adaptations.

Furthermore, personal constraints or difficulties not necessarily related to the mismatch problem, may affect people’s capacity to attract mates. For instance, having children from previous relationships may require the commitment of substantial resources, leaving few available that could be diverted to attracting mates (Apostolou & Hadjikyriacou, 2023). Current literature has proposed several factors, which are likely to lead to increased probability to be involuntarily single and spending more time single.

The mismatch problem has been linked to poor flirting skills and the ability to recognize romantic signals, resulting in difficulties in the mating arena. Moreover, some individuals tend to be overly selective in choosing mates or invest minimal effort in attracting partners, increasing the incidence of involuntary singlehood (Apostolou, 2021a, Apostolou, 2021b). In a study with 1228 Greek-speaking participants, low scores in flirting capability, perception of romantic signals, and mating effort were associated with a higher likelihood of being involuntarily single and experiencing longer periods of singleness. However, being choosy did not predict involuntary singlehood compared to being in a relationship.

Furthermore, it has been argued that due to discrimination and social stigma associated with same-sex attraction (Fone, 2000), homosexual people may face difficulties attracting partners. In a study of 10,939 Greek-speaking participants, homosexual participants showed no significant difference in their likelihood of being single compared to participants of other sexual orientations (Apostolou, 2021b). Moving on, introverted individuals may have fewer chances to meet potential partners, potentially leading to higher involuntary singlehood. In a study involving 1418 Greek-speaking participants, low extraversion was associated with a greater likelihood of being involuntarily single and experiencing longer single periods (Apostolou & Tsangari, 2022). In addition, the mismatch problem could impact self-esteem and, consequently, the ability to attract mates. In a sample of 986 Greek-speaking participants, low self-esteem was linked to a higher likelihood of involuntary singlehood, but this effect was significant only for males (Apostolou & Philippou, 2022). Moreover, the study examined whether self-reported desirable mate traits, such as good looks and social status (Buss, 2016), predicted involuntary singlehood, but no significant effects were found.

Additionally, the mismatch problem may lead to poor sexual functioning and obesity, negatively affecting mate attraction. Children from previous relationships can also limit mate attraction due to resource constraints. In a study of 1188 Greek-speaking participants, poorer sexual functioning was associated with higher chances of being involuntarily single and more years spent single (Apostolou & Hadjikyriacou, 2023). Higher BMI was linked to more single years for women but didn’t predict relationship status. Men with children from previous relationships were more likely to be in an intimate relationship.

One limitation of the existing literature is that it has attempted to examine the effects of different factors on involuntary singlehood separately. Yet, these factors are not independent from each other, so by examining each variable separately, its net effect could not be estimated, or where it actually had an effect or it simply acted as a proxy of another variable that had an effect. In addition, indirect effects could not be identified. The current research aimed to address these limitations by attempting to examine simultaneously the effects of the different predictors of involuntary singlehood in a different sample.

Previous research has examined the effects of having different traits on singlehood (Apostolou & Philippou, 2022). Yet, in order to keep the survey instrument at a reasonable length, and because the traits are strongly associated with mate value, in the current study we examined only the effects of self-perceived mate value and self-perceived good looks. The latter was included due to its high importance in the mating market (Buss, 2016). Overall, we examined the effects of 17 factors, namely mating effort, sexual functioning, self-perceived mate value, self-esteem, flirting capacity, capacity to perceive signals of romantic interest, shyness, choosiness, BMI, self-perceived good looks, openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, neuroticism, sexual orientation, and having children from previous relationships on involuntary singlehood.